From the Dr. Oz Website: A Success Story Returns

Roads

So much has gone on in such a short amount of time. I would divulge a lot of that here, but maybe I'm not as candid as I want to be.

First thing is my Grandpa died this past Saturday which I didn't see coming. My mom took it really hard, so I'm trying to be there for her as best as I can.

My job is coming to an end soon. Next Wednesday will probably be my last day. I have less than 2000 pieces to do and then that's that. On the hunt for another job, although I'm getting lazy about even finding one of those. In reality I want something that's $40k a year. I know I'm worth it. I have experience and an education to back me up, but jobs of any nature are hard to come by. I should probably just start doing the research on my business so I can get that up and running. It's going to take a lot of work and probably at least 1-2 years to do it correctly. There is a lot I have to learn between now and then.

I've decided the rest of my educational career. I'm going to do a year for my first MS degree for Project Management and now that I'm getting back into the music game a bit more hardcore now, I'm getting my last degree from GaTech: a MS in Music Technology. Then I'll have a lot of knowledge on the music producer side of life.

Aside from all that, my love life is kaputt. I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago, but with good reason. It wasn't a decision I made lightly. We have a lot of problems stemming from unresolved issues, and issues that I don't know will ever be reconciled. What's interesting is that it seems like I'm the one that did something wrong. He's expressed very vividly his feelings about a lot of things albeit facebook or livejournal. While I might not necessarily comment on all of this doesn't mean I don't see it. I'd have to say his LJ post was the most tell-tell. He has it made up in his mind that I didn't talk to him about stuff like this before it got too late: lack of communication, lack of affection when we're not together, etc. All this shit I BEEN talking about for years.

Lack of communication is the reason we broke up the first time, the second time, the third time and however many times we've broken up over the last 4 years of my life. The thing is, the same thing happens EVERY time we've broken up and the thought of getting back together. He acts like he "should've been" acting the whole time and I don't give a fuck. It's repeat performance every time. It happened last summer when I was in school. He started coming over more often, he was the lovey dovey one, I kept it moving and was doing my own thing regardless. Same situation now. He's super out there about his feelings all of a sudden and more so than he's ever been before and I'm sitting here keeping it chill and dolo and not having a feeling so to speak one way or another.

I remember when I changed my status to "single" on facebook and he texted me about how much it hurt him. I didn't think it mattered too much before because when I asked him about "facebook relationshipping" me just weeks before that, he didn't give two shits about it and shrugged it off. That signals to me that you just don't give a fuck about shit like that, so I stopped giving a shit about it too; and now all of sudden it matters. I'm at a loss.

But then again, I realize people's perceptions are their own reality. How he sees our breakup and how I see our breakup are two completely different stories. I can't even sit here and try to distinguish between which one is right and which one isn't because they're two different ideas. He says I didn't mention these particular problems of our most recent relationship before they snowballed into something bigger. I personally call bullshit on that. I been talking about it, but at some point you just get tired of talking when you feel like you're not being heard. This last time we broke up before last month, we got back together too soon, but my feelings were caught up in it and even then he promised all this stuff and still... we're back in the same position we've been in several times before.

I'm starting to wonder if it's worth it sometimes because if it was really supposed to be, then it wouldn't be this hard.

So I'm at a dead end.

Should I fail to mention everything else that's going on in my life? Yes. I should.

I guess I just feel some type of way about it.

What Is Going On In My Life??

I see why people drink... and smoke... and are cracked out...

It all makes sense now.

I Can See That...

Hmmm, I never thought I'd be an habitual email checker. Anyone who is looking for a job checks their business email constantly, but I'm checking my personal email all the time. I also came to the realization that I'm a sucker for good conversation. Finding someone who gives you good conversation is like a habit forming crack addiction: it's something I can't get enough of. The person I've been talking to here lately is someone I used to work with about 4 years ago. We'd recently gotten back in touch and there'd always be a comment on something I did on FB or something he did on FB.

We have similar views on music and what not and I've come to find out that he's a very encouraging person. He wants to drag me to the studio to do some reference vocals. I haven't been in someone's studio in like years. Haha, stuido sessions always ended up tramautizing for me because of people I'd be around. Maybe this will be a better experience when and if it happens? He's very talented. He let me listen to a few unreleased records he's done with his cousin and his singer. This girl he's working with has an incredible voice. I love it. It's such a sweet sound.

I'm a sucker for conversation and engagement. People who can engage in a conversation is golden for me because a lot of people can't do that or just won't. For instance, that was one of the biggest reasons I stopped talking to Jerrid because he wouldn't talk to me anyway, but then we tried to be friends again recently, he started talking to me more which was completely shocking. Then he did that fucked up 180 on me and I bounced on his ass for good. I get that people are/can be anti-social. I, myself, am about 75% anti-social... but if I don't feel like talking then I won't. I won't be available to talk if it's not something I'm into at that point. But when I want to talk, I'm fully engaged and ready for a conversation whatever it may be about. I fucking hate small talk. I can do "small talk" when it comes to work because that's how it is in the working world. At work, small talk is what works. You don't have time for long engaged conversations, but when it's your friends or whatever, small talk sucks balls (shaking my head). So all in all, when I find someone who provides great conversation, I get selfish with them. I definitely need to get over that!

Anyway... it's just something nice to find :) *happyness*

Soo.... I've Been Thinking

This whole Master Cleanse isn't going to work. I did it that one time but it seems like ever subsequent try, my body rejects the combination of maple syrup and lemon juice, so it's a no go. Besides, juicing will be better for me anyway. Then the Michael Thurmond 6 Week Body Makeover will be a better fit. He explains to us that it's 90% food and 10% exercise. I can believe that because when I did it the first time, I lost about 6-7lbs in the first week alone. So as soon as the money comes in this month, this is how we do things. People say they've lost as much as 30lbs in this 6 weeks. It's a diet very high in protein, moderate fat, and absolutely no salt! The only downer to this program is that you have to eat 5-6 times a day. It's basically breakfast/lunch/dinner and morning snack and evening snack. Meal items include chicken breast (all your meat has to be lean or white), pineapple, egg whites, dark green lettuces, lots of water, fruits that aren't high in sugar and a myriad of other menu items.

Since I only have class 2 days a week, I can concentrate more. I'm also considering only taking 2 classes a semester instead of 3. I'll probably forfeit the philosophy class in the Fall and the women's studies class in the Spring. So for fall I'll have English and Political Science and for the spring I'll have two 100-level Philosophy classes. I think the Philosophy classes will be fun, and my English professor is going to be awesome. I've had him before. We'll be reading books from Toni Morrison. I wish I could've had Dr. Tolliver for ALL of my classes.

Next, I've only gotten information from one school, Northeastern University, but I like the school. My other options are Penn State University, Marist College, Boston University, and Norwich University. These will all be online Master's Degrees that I will apply for February of next year and start fall of 2010. Between these five schools, I'm only going to do either Public Administration or Project Management. I'm leaning more toward Project Management though, because while the job may be a pain in the ass, it's a reward feeling when you get something done. Project Management will be good for Event's Planning too. I'll find a school get an Event's Management Certificate. I was going to try Florida State University, but their out-of-state tuition is ridiculous, plus they're phasing out those classes. I'll have to check and see what UGA has since they have a Gwinnett campus. I thought about getting a Real Estate license, but I don't know if I want that. All the while, UGA has a LOT of certificate programs that I would love to take.

Also, I'll be getting an account with Lynda.com that provide certificate services for things like Microsoft Office Suite, C++, Photoshop, Illustrator, etc... I'm definitely going to take the Microsoft Office Suite certificate.

Hmmm... what else? I've been doing house searching and comparison. At most, if I'm making $50K a year, I can afford a $1,000 mortgage. The more money I can save up to put down on the house is the less money in a mortgage I have pay. If I can get that kind of salary sooner rather than later, I'll stay at home a little longer than expected, I'll save up $30-$40k cash and use that as a down payment. There are other programs that I can use for first-time homebuyers which I intend to look into, but I want to put as much money into the house as possible. I can probably save as much as $15k a year, and I'll just stay at home an extra year so I can save a solid $30k. The plan was for me to move out when I turned 24, but it'll be 25ish to do it right. So I have 2-3 years to plan and execute.

I've also decided that it would probably be best if I lived alone. I'm selfish when it comes to how I want my place of residence run as well as where I want to live. I want to stay in Gwinnett Co. The taxes are lower, the gas is cheaper and with a car, it's close enough to the city if that's where I want to go. I love suburbia and I don't plan on leaving it any time soon, if ever. The only way to catch me outside of Gwinnett is if I lived out of state which I don't plan on doing either. I'm looking at houses that are between $200k and $150k. I've found my mom some really great homes that are between $150k and $100k that are in Gwinnett and hopefully we will be able to close on a house by December 1st! She's getting excited about this like I am. We went to 4 properties yesterday and we like 2 of them, 1 more than the other. I scheduled a walk-thru for next Saturday and I also have about 3 or 4 more properties to look at next Thursday, and hopefully I can schedule a walk-thru for those on Sunday of next week.

Aside from that, I've been researching cars that I want. I've narrowed it down to five. I've decided that if I get the salary I want (at least $45k or more) I can afford these cars. They are all under $15k (even with a transfer fee if necessary) and if I put enough money toward a downpayment, my monthly payments will be low and I can pay off the car in less than 3 years.

1. 2006 Volvo S40 2.4i 4Dr Sedan






























2. 2003 Mercedes-Benz C240 4Dr Sedan






























3. 2004 Honda Element LX 4Dr SUV






























4. 2006 Civic EX 4Dr Sedan






























5. 2003 BMW 321i 4Dr Sedan































I really love cars and if I could buy all 5 I would, but then again you can only drive one car at a time. Aside from that, I do intend to buy one of these as my first car. Plus, after this one is paid off, I'll wait a year and save up some more car money, and then I'll buy a second one, preferrably an SUV. I'm thinking I'll buy a sedan first, either the BMW, Honda, Benz or Volvo, and then follow it up with the purchase of the Element. That way when I need to move large items, I can get use the Element and for every day commuting, I can use the sedan. Once my permanent cash flow starts coming in, I will make a budget and move from there and start executing my plans! Life planning really is a lot of fun, and I'm in a lot better mood when I do this. I should go find someone to life plan with haha! Ciao bellos.